Get Naked with Your Finances
It is Love's Day!
What a great day to celebrate all the hard work relationships require to bring joy to our lives. Think about all the misunderstandings and communication skills you had to work through in order to have a best friend or a joyful relationship with your partner.
While February 14 is an ideal day to share a great meal, indulge in chocolate and decorate your desk with a fresh bouquet of flowers, wouldn't you like to use this day to leave any grudges and judgments behind and sit with your loved one to talk about things that matter, such as money? I believe that this Hallmark day can be a great day to truly show love by dropping all communication barriers and get naked with each other’s finances.
I wish today was not a reminder of how much money we spend on each other but a reminder of how much joy and value we bring to each other's lives. According to the National Retail Federation, consumers plan to spend an average of $196.31, an increase of 21% from last year's $161.96. Spending in 2019 was $20.7 billion, this year is expected to increase by 32% to $27.4 billion. Wouldn't it be great if we could measure how much better we communicate with each other every year? I would take a 21-32% increase any minute; after all, it is this mutual understanding and appreciation that brings joy to our lives. Or isn't it?
Researchers in psychology have discovered that thriving couples accentuate the positive, celebrate the happy moments and work to build more bright points into their lives.
But how do we do that?
- Be grateful for what each other brings to your lives. You are with your person for some reason. Whether you have vowed a long-life with them or you got into this relatively recently, you are choosing to be with them today. Let them know how they are improving your life and what great qualities you appreciate about them. Sharing your feelings can incentivize them to share what they enjoy about you. You may even be lucky to get into a peaceful conversation about what things can be changed or what could be compromised.
- Recognize that each of you has your own values. Do you have the same money beliefs as your parents or your siblings? Most likely you don't. Each of you had your own experiences with money and a unique story about your upbringing. This means that we have adopted our own values about life and money. The best way to learn about each other's values is by hearing each other's stories about money. What do you remember about your parents and money? How do you react to large purchases? How well do you plan your expenses? These are very deep and sensitive topics, so be sure to be emotionally prepared. Create some ground rules, such as being open, honest, nonjudgmental and making an effort to bring understanding to what each other has to share. I encourage you to set this time to talk and show your love by really listening, respect each other's opinions and a commitment to reach a win-win outcome. Lastly, you may be able to deal with this by yourselves, but if you find that you need a professional, reach out for that help. This might be a smart move to prove your love and commitment to your relationship.
- Talk about building wealth, not finding blame about uncontrolled expenses. When you come from a positive outlook about life, you are more likely to find common goals and a feeling of excitement about what you can accomplish together. Blaming has to do with the past, and often these are things that cannot change. By accepting each other's mistakes, you can move forward. Create a S.M.A.R.T.* plan what works for you both by finding common goals. Start with planning your cash flow, then asset protection. When you reach a complex point, it is a good idea to include your professional advisor(s) to help you build a plan that works for you and keep you accountable to your goals.
I hope your Valentine's Day if full of joy and understanding of each other's approach to money. While a box of artisanal dark chocolates sounds sexy, co-creating a strong long-term financial future sounds like peace of mind and an act of love.
*S.M.A.R.T: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Time-Bound
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/the-happy-couple-2012-10-23/
https://nrf.com/insights/holiday-and-seasonal-trends/valentines-day